Paranoia-themed Humor Lovers Gifts

"Lately, I feel the whispering pines are whispering about me."

A vampire sitting on a park bench at night feeding bats.

"And this Halloween, try not to make a specter of yourself."

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

'Ever get the feeling that you're being watched?'

"You know Gladys, you seem to be getting younger by the minute. What's your secret?" "I finally decided to get a few injections of bootox. It works wonders!"

"Maybe I'll just put these cookies back."

'Well Mrs. Henson, form the looks of this place, egg stacking, children claw marks, chicken blood graffiti, egg splat everywhere, I'd have to say this is the work of a poultry geist!'

"When's the last time you flossed?"

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

From the moment his blind date showed up, the Count knew it wasn't going to work out.

"I prefer to work from home."

Beware: Safe Area.

'The management of this shop take the threat of swine flu in their stride.'

'Mind your head'

'With people already so tense and jumpy these days, Halloween isn't much fun anymore!'

'I'm shaking a bit!'

"Got Blood?"

"You are suing me for medical negligence... I knew I shouldn't of used that lawyer's brain!"

"Brenda takes no chances over someone stealing our washing."

'Okay buddy, we're taking this van to Transylvania.'

Olives (man at bar)

"Oh, you big silly. Did you forget to put the clock back?"

'Can I call you back? I'm expecting someone.'