Paradox Lover Gifts

The City that Never Sleeps.

Fastest slowest animal

'I'm afraid you're a hypochondriac Mr Jenkins... but luckily we have a pill for that!'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"We have ways of making you say yes, but I want you to want to say yes."

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

If you're at the highest level of consciousness and you know it, clap one hand

Right Against Right.

'The doctor told me to get away for a while..Where I live, in the country, it's just too quiet for me, so I've come here for a vacation.'

Grenadiers

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

The Physiciatrist...

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

Bumper Limos

The Meaning of Life

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

Palindrome school.

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

Decisions: Yes or No, 'Or maybe?'

"The good news is that you'll be immortalized in a world-famous painting. The bad news...your face is stuck like that for life!"

'I'm sure looking forward to relaxing when we get to the summit.'

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

'Applicant wacked out, suggest immediate promotion.'

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

Maybe we never actually do anything because we keep calling for a show of hands.

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

"Eighty percent polyester."

"That was Albert. He was at a demonstration against global warming and now he's in the hospital with frostbite."

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."