Panic-proof Planner Gifts

"No, no, don't crash. . . I forgot to save my document!"

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

'If all goes according to plan, this garden should reach crisis proportions by midsummer.'

"Can you estimate how much money you'll need for your mid-life crisis?"

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

Concern Chart

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"And then yesterday, I had an epiphany: The best way for me to overcome my paralyzing fear of a global ecological/economic collapse is to find a way to turn it into a lucrative career!"

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

His investment advisor gave him a new mantra.

'I'm taking no chances.'

'My backup special...'

"Instant coffee? Little plug-in water heater?? This new guy must be a real survivalist!"

"We just want a vacation --- we don't want to learn anything."

'I'm fully organized. Now I can freak out in some kind of order!'

'The end is near.'

"Here it is - 'Surviving an Earthquake'..."

'If the Mayan calendar is right, how should I back up my files?'

Saving up for a rainy day.

"This year I'm really gonna get organized."

'Smart bloke.'

"Do I have a personal preparedness plan in case of a national emergency? Well, if screaming while running amok is a plan, then yes, I have a plan."

"Chief, I'd like a four-year sabbatical to prepare for the millennium."

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."

"My cousin is lucky, he lives on the 14th floor. I'm sure he has a great view of the end of the world."

'So much for Plan B!'

"The scariest part is knowing that someday something'll come along that will make us go, 'Even the spider mutants weren't this bad.' "

'What's that?' - 'It's in case we have a power failure.'

It's 11 p.m. do you know if your portfolio allocation will carry you through armageddon?