Painting Gifts

'Smile - it's Van Gogh.'

Modern art: I call it Procrastination.

"My job is in finance. This is just my hobby."

'It's either very good or very bad.'

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."

"So, if I'm the only art teacher, does that mean I'm head of the department?"

"But is it content?"

"Hello, Braque? Picasso here. Cubism is out."

The Meh

The Museum of Swine Art.

"Of course it's an egg...but it's a chicken to those of us with vision..."

"What is it, boy? Want to go outside?"

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

'I hate to tell you this, but that should be intensive care.'

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

'It's nice but will it be a hedge against inflation.'

'Whoa! Now they want angels and stuff... On the CEILING? None of this was in our original contract!'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

'Don't move.'

"Damn it, man, do I look like I have any yellow ochre?"

'It says this artist is making a statement about man's struggle with the rising cost of oil paint.'

'There's nothing wrong with you -you're a Picasso.'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'Therapist is one word George!'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Painter gets stuck in the middle of a room

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Using teamwork to paint a lamppost.

'If you run into trouble, give my brother a call. He's an excellent divorce lawyer.'

'Look Larry, this one has air coming out of it!'

Pablo Picasso: Before Puberty...After Puberty.

'Something in warm, earth tones. I'm sick of white.'

The curse that afflicts abstract painting.

'On behalf of the park I'm going to have to charge you an artist's modeling fee.'