Painting Gifts

'Smile - it's Van Gogh.'

Salvador Dali - Memorial Park

Modern art: I call it Procrastination.

"My job is in finance. This is just my hobby."

'It's either very good or very bad.'

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."

"So, if I'm the only art teacher, does that mean I'm head of the department?"

"But is it content?"

The Meh

"Hello, Braque? Picasso here. Cubism is out."

The Museum of Swine Art.

"Of course it's an egg...but it's a chicken to those of us with vision..."

"What is it, boy? Want to go outside?"

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

'I hate to tell you this, but that should be intensive care.'

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

'It's nice but will it be a hedge against inflation.'

'Whoa! Now they want angels and stuff... On the CEILING? None of this was in our original contract!'

'Don't move.'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

"Damn it, man, do I look like I have any yellow ochre?"

'There's nothing wrong with you -you're a Picasso.'

'It says this artist is making a statement about man's struggle with the rising cost of oil paint.'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Therapist is one word George!'

Over 50 shades of grey available.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Painter gets stuck in the middle of a room

'If you run into trouble, give my brother a call. He's an excellent divorce lawyer.'

Using teamwork to paint a lamppost.

'Something in warm, earth tones. I'm sick of white.'

The curse that afflicts abstract painting.

'Look Larry, this one has air coming out of it!'