Overparenting Humorist Gifts

"I never discuss my clients with their mothers."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Where's your nose?"