Overdue Pregnancy Gifts

'It's Mrs. O'Hara...the one whose due date was 37 days ago...she's angry.'

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

The Baby Walker

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

"It's childhood. Your child has childhood."

Junior Doctor.

'Sorry Mrs Jones, but they're unlikely to raise the age to 13.'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"Do you ever get the feeling that maybe the baby is listening to us?"

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'Sure, have some wool to keep your eggs nice and warm...'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'Dad, did the stork bring me or did you get me in fantasy draft?'

"Sorry Ma'am, but lamb delivery is only available in Spring..."

'You should have used contraceptives -- I'm afraid your lucky socks didn't work.'

What The Father Heres.

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

'Herbie is my substantial penalty for LATE withdrawal.'

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

A mother hen pushing her baby eggs in a egg carton pram.

'... And, don't worry about his future. I'm sure my Son will give him a job, when they grow up.'

Maternity ward on the farm.

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

"But you must continue as a lab rat! Can't you see we have three mouths to feed?"

Susan used her ingenious invention to carry on playing golf during the final stages of her pregnancy!

Book from the Library of Alexandria. Woman says: 'Have you seen how overdue this book is?'

"My wife's going through a difficult pregnancy."

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

I thought you said you didn't have any children. I forgot about my youthful indiscretion and the resulting love child.