Early Pregnancy Gifts

'Have you been drinking pond water?. . .Because you're four months stagnant.'

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"They grow up so fast."

Cry babies.

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'I told you it would be useful.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

Today we learned to count to one.

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'