Early Parenthood Gifts

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"She's been so creative lately."

A midwife holding a baby

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Low-Energy Drinks

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Even when he throws them on the floor, he doesn't want the peas and carrots to touch."

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Rocking horse

Knight feeding his kids.

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

A woman with a dog and a baby on a leash

"When did she start crawling?"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Ask me about my litter! !

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.