Overdraft Humorists Gifts

'My bank has introduced a new 'SMS alert' service.'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

Bed Fellow

'Gravity wins - again.'

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

'Steven! Those nuts are for guests! Stop hiding them!'

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

Gender Reveal

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

Borrowed 200K for mime school

'My member requires some interest.'

'He owes $30,000 for a degree in drama but right now he's not acting.'

'I'm worried that if I study too hard, I couldn end up being a teacher.'

'That's enough cream. Please stop.'

Of course it's filled with my old skins, it's my shed.

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

"We do have a wonderful art collection, but it has taken over somewhat: We either need to have a bower or get professional help..."

'You've been overfeeding the budgie again, dear.'

Chicane

'I drank too much last night.'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

BOOZE & SNOOZE: 'It's a bed and breakfast with a liquor license.'

"After this, we'll set down some traps. That should deal with the rest of them."

"Oh, it's not food, it's my money: I don't trust banks..."