Overdraft Humorists Pillows

'My bank has introduced a new 'SMS alert' service.'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.

Bed Fellow

"Sorry, there's no toilet paper or hand sanitizer down here."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'Gravity wins - again.'

Gender Reveal

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

'Steven! Those nuts are for guests! Stop hiding them!'

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

'He owes $30,000 for a degree in drama but right now he's not acting.'

'I'm worried that if I study too hard, I couldn end up being a teacher.'

Borrowed 200K for mime school

'My member requires some interest.'

'That's enough cream. Please stop.'

'I drank too much last night.'

'You've been overfeeding the budgie again, dear.'

Of course it's filled with my old skins, it's my shed.

Chicane

"We do have a wonderful art collection, but it has taken over somewhat: We either need to have a bower or get professional help..."

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

"I'm the Ghost of Christmas Debts Past."

BOOZE & SNOOZE: 'It's a bed and breakfast with a liquor license.'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

"Oh, it's not food, it's my money: I don't trust banks..."