Outdoor Relaxation Gifts

"Retirement is great, and I don't miss the races really: I do miss the roar of the crowd though..."

'It never fails. As soon as I get in the bath, someone's at the door.'

Enjoying the Great Outdoors.

'A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, a CD player, a laptop computer, a cordless phone and thou.'

"There's a product recall for that sunbed you ordered last week..."

"The parasol certainly paid for itself this summer."

Visual Gag: Vinnie's budget tanning salon / a con charging people money to lay in the sun to get a suntan

Spring

A day in the park

'I can always tell when Marmaduke is in our yard.'

The kids wanted a puppy, but we don't have the yard for it.

'How are we supposed to sleep with that Dawn Chorus of lawn mowers...?'

'Don't tell me the swing's broken.'

This one won't come off in the rain.

"..my real interest is rare plants" "In his case, the ones that are still alive"

Bad timing.

Dog chasing cat and causes a deckchair accident.

Memorial seat - to someone who loved 'this spot'.

"An office job would drive me crazy!...sitting at a desk all day!"

Man relaxing in a deckchair at the campsite

"That's better! - I can't bear the noise of the rain on my roof..."

A man sitting in the grass reading

City Hammock

These bastard midges can really ruin our holiday!

"We missed out on the quality of life index again."

"I hope we have whatever it is we may or may not still be allowed to call Indian summer."

"I used to dream of owning a pool. Now I dream of marginal friends not showing up uninvited."

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"What … have … you … done?"

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

"Aww, geez... what next?"

"They don't transform into anything, they just get older and more conservative."

I start teaching summer school next week...

Noisy neighbours.

"He'll spend hours at a time out there, just gazing at the bird table."