Outdoor Gathering Gifts

'This looks like a good spot.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

Beach Barbecue

"I've just barbecued my head again."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

The prying mantis,

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

The devil you know and his plus one

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"You two seem oddly suited."

Miniature Cattle Fanciers

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Let me guess...you're a knights supporter?'

"I do like a plant that can hold its drink"

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

Shakespeare in the Park: "To pee, or not to pee..."

Glyndebourne

You'll be the centre of attention for a job well done!

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Midwest Winter Items.

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'