Outdoor Gathering Gifts

'This looks like a good spot.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

"I've just barbecued my head again."

Beach Barbecue

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

The prying mantis,

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

The devil you know and his plus one

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"You two seem oddly suited."

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

Miniature Cattle Fanciers

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."

Shakespeare in the Park: "To pee, or not to pee..."

"I do like a plant that can hold its drink"

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

'Let me guess...you're a knights supporter?'

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

Glyndebourne

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

You'll be the centre of attention for a job well done!

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"You're doing fine - don't watch your feet."

Midwest Winter Items.