Backyard Gathering Gifts

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

'It's okay, there's a trampoline under the snow.'

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

You'll be the centre of attention for a job well done!

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

"At first I was concerned about the Earth opening up. But I was going to build a fire pit, so it actually saved me a lot of time."

'Propane ran out.'

"He thinks he learned a new trick - I don't have the heart to tell him it's just an old trick he forgot he knew."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"We were sad last year when we couldn't have the whole family over for the holidays, right?"

'I would love to play in your tree-house, but I can't climb trees...'

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'

This could be a whole new look for you, Harold!

Barbecue: Touch the Chef Inappropriately!

Who wants theirs well done?

George can overreact when people criticise his barbecues.

Barbecue salesman pointing at cooker - "Top of the line."

Even garden plants like to visit.

"I heard you had a little problem with the law."

'My guess is, you might be running the jets too high...'

Brad! Who's that singer I cry to when I'm drunk?

'Everyone called and canceled for tonight's dinner party? Awesome!'

"He likes his bones smoked."

"Why is that moron screaming so loud at something that isn't there?"

Lobster hot tub.

"Well, a ringer and a laner - looks like you win honey..."

'Got'a be done I s'pose.'

'This looks like a good spot.'

Early Drive-Ins

"Maybe Papi will believe it was a drive-by pitch."

"The tomatoes came from our neighbor's garden. Please don't tell him."