Outdoor Festival Fan Gifts

Barry the banjo.

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Face painting.

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

Pumpkin patch

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

"I love you too, big guy."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"Here's one: 'Youth Frisbee Camp', from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Tuesdays." "Naw... Go back to that first one, for 'early chewers', wasn't that one a sleep-over camp?"

"There it was again...SOOIE! And then she realized the pig call was coming from inside the house!"

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

"Be sure to check out the rides. They're free, too, with the purchase of tickets."

Camping-Pong

"Free Bird!"

Pearly King and Queen

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

'When I was a Scout, we had to blaze trails without sticky notes.'

Liam Gallagher.

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

'Oh, look - a juggling stilt-walker painting that little child's face!'

The Running of the Brie

"Tunnel of love"

"Oooh. . . I've got sand under my wrappings and it's so itchy. . !!"

The dark side of Halloween.

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

Tunnel of Whale Guts

I came, I saw, I partied!

ATM withdrawal

"It makes you look old."

Pamplona Station

"May I come back in? I'm sorry I said that thing about your breath."

Trees: The most effective way to reduce emissions.

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

Just fifty miles north of Easter Island...