Osteology Gifts

Osteologist

The Anti-Agent

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

vaccine wars.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

A midwife holding a baby

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

UK border controls relaxed.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Lactose Intolerant

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"The first one's just a warning."

"Your contents have shifted."