Order Restorer Gifts

"Oh, good. Here comes Daddy, to bring us to our senses."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

'Great to see the ol' museum is finally getting a face-lift.' An old building getting a medical face-lift

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'They did a great job in restoring all the 19th century details, but this confounded dress code...'

Under New Mismanagement

Future Candidates For "Colorization"

"He's a hunter-gatherer-tinkerer-fixer-upper-restorer-reseller."

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

Continental marshal

Museum. It's great we got this job moving statues here at the museum. CRASH! That was no time to make a joke about a "piece of art."

Cleaner cleaning up the paintings in a gallery.

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

Restored antique carriage in A.D. 2500

"I told you she'd had some work done."

Man defaces a painting to make it fit above his fireplace.

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

Salvage Hunters

Leaning Tower of Pisa

"It's just a hunch, but you may have the power set too high on your pressure washer."

"We had an expert restore all the original shag carpeting."

Painting Mona Lisa.

The Death of Chatterton - After Restoration

Dept. of Antiquities

Statue Restoration.

Straightening up.

"She's a rescue."

'You can tell it's good by the way the tonsils follow you around the room.'

Jesus returns: Acmy Employment Agency: 'I do have experience as a carpenter, but that was 2000 yeras ago.'