Optical Retailer Gifts

'And with every new pair of glasses you get a cool pair of 3D glasses for free'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"I think I may have stumbled on something, Walpole."

Cut Price

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Home depot."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"Al, you've been chosen Businessman of the Year by the Junior Chamber of Commerce."

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

'I'm looking for something to impress the shareholders.'

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

clock shopkeeper says timing is everything

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

Ye Old Cafe: No Coffee Today - Sore Arm!

"It's not expensive, sir, when you consider it's long smell-by date!"

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

Gerald Ratner's return

'Each one is signed and numbered.'

Clock and Watch Shop: Second-Hand Clocks and Minute-Hand Clocks.

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

'It's Blurred.'

Vintage Dresses: Your Frock Exchange

'The body's ok, but the neck's too tight.'

365 Lemonade Stand

'Well you checked my £20 note so I'm checking the change you gave me!'

To-Let Town Centre Map

Last Chance for Everything.

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.