Cosmetic Retailer Gifts

Glop With Packaging

'That bacon sarnie fragrance gets them every time!'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"I don't like your application."

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

Have you got your make up on yet?

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

Western Outfitters.

"Hair spray"

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

'How much would you take off for cash?'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."