Cosmetics Retailer Gifts

"It's $85 an ounce, $95 for unscented."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"I don't like your application."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Have you got your make up on yet?

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

Some scents are nonsense.

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"Hair spray"

'How much would you take off for cash?'

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

Western Outfitters.

"More concealer?"

"I could afford a degree in broadcast journalism, but not the makeup."

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."