Cosmetics Retailer T-Shirts

"It's $85 an ounce, $95 for unscented."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"I don't like your application."

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

Some scents are nonsense.

Have you got your make up on yet?

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

Western Outfitters.

"Hair spray"

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"More concealer?"

"I could afford a degree in broadcast journalism, but not the makeup."

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'