Opportunistic Investor Gifts

'I didn't ask you to help me when it was $90 an ounce, and I didn't ask you to help me when it was $110 an ounce. But when it's $400 an ounce...'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Just in case you want to invest, I've got a great idea for a dot.com startup."

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

I have a dream.

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Business Books: How to profit from authoritarianism.

"Brian's always had a good nose for business."

Man selling dirt and mud.

'Harley manages our most aggressive growth fund.'

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

'Look on the bright side - Our investments with Bernie Madoff must REALLY be paying off by now!'

Take Away Wedding Cake 50p.

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'Your stock portfolio didn't lose one third of its value, Mr. Reynolds, it retained two thirds.'

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."

'When one trap door closes, another opens.'

Dye now, pay later!

"Put me back on hold! That song - 'We're in the money' - put me in a really good mood!"

Kid sells underwear outside of hospital emergency doorway.

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

"He died from eyestrain...read every prospectus they ever sent him."

Hotel checkout.

Investments Cock-Eyed Optimists.

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

"We offer a short-term high yield bond fund that may fit your particular investing priorities."

Best Seller: How you can profit from the upcoming terrorist upheavals.

'I have a way of making £1000 from an investment of £10. Trouble is where do I get £10?'

On a late-night flight, fate presents Roger with a golden opportunity. Seizing the moment, he quickly adds two thousand years to his own life.

Instant winner trash can

"So you think people will line up to give us a job?"

'I'd like a joint account with a millionaire please.'

"I wish I was less gullible when it comes to money."