Opportunistic Strategist Gifts

Best Seller: How you can profit from the upcoming terrorist upheavals.

'These days, we don't encourage customers to make themselves at home anymore.'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"Now at this point reality intruded."

'It's not a 20 year low! We've been in business only 19 years.'

"Am I worried about going belly-up? Well, I can't get my fingers uncrossed and I sleep face down."

"Brian's always had a good nose for business."

Business Books: How to profit from authoritarianism.

Rock champion (Rock, paper, scissors).

Man selling dirt and mud.

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

Take Away Wedding Cake 50p.

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Stun-gun target practice.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

Were you aware, minion, that bees are dying off by the millions all over North America? No. Studies show it was caused by a certain type of pesticide that was introduced in the 1990s. A pesticide that nobody can prove was concocted by a young man in my - I mean, his - basement. Anyone who thought ahead and stocked an underground cavern with 50 tons of honey is going to clean up. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Very bad man.

"Peters, make a joyful noise."

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."

Dye now, pay later!

'When one trap door closes, another opens.'

Kid sells underwear outside of hospital emergency doorway.

'We like to keep old timers involved in our expansion.'

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

'I didn't ask you to help me when it was $90 an ounce, and I didn't ask you to help me when it was $110 an ounce. But when it's $400 an ounce...'

Hotel checkout.

Instant winner trash can

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

'You say that one day you win and the next day you lose? Why don't you bet on alternate days?'

"We offer a short-term high yield bond fund that may fit your particular investing priorities."

'I'd like a joint account with a millionaire please.'

BAM! BAM! BAM! I'm sure opportunity wouldn't knock like that!

I'm about to get rich, Randy. Filthy rich. How so, little buddy? The federal government's going to seize privately owned lands along the U.S.-Mexico border so they can build Trump's wall. But they'll have to pay the landowners lots of money. So I bought a dirt cheap stretch of land along the border. But no one knows where exactly the wall will be. That's why I bought a 1-inch-wide strip of land that stretches from Colorado to Mexico. You're crazy like a fox that's gone crazy.

'I'm only interested in locating wealthy relatives.'