Opportunistic Investor Pillows

'I didn't ask you to help me when it was $90 an ounce, and I didn't ask you to help me when it was $110 an ounce. But when it's $400 an ounce...'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

"Just in case you want to invest, I've got a great idea for a dot.com startup."

I have a dream.

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

"Brian's always had a good nose for business."

Business Books: How to profit from authoritarianism.

Man selling dirt and mud.

'Harley manages our most aggressive growth fund.'

'What's the difference between exchange-traded derivatives and swaps?'

Take Away Wedding Cake 50p.

'Look on the bright side - Our investments with Bernie Madoff must REALLY be paying off by now!'

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

'Your stock portfolio didn't lose one third of its value, Mr. Reynolds, it retained two thirds.'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."

'When one trap door closes, another opens.'

"Put me back on hold! That song - 'We're in the money' - put me in a really good mood!"

Kid sells underwear outside of hospital emergency doorway.

Dye now, pay later!

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

Investments Cock-Eyed Optimists.

"He died from eyestrain...read every prospectus they ever sent him."

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

Best Seller: How you can profit from the upcoming terrorist upheavals.

"So you think people will line up to give us a job?"

On a late-night flight, fate presents Roger with a golden opportunity. Seizing the moment, he quickly adds two thousand years to his own life.

'I have a way of making £1000 from an investment of £10. Trouble is where do I get £10?'

Instant winner trash can

"We offer a short-term high yield bond fund that may fit your particular investing priorities."

'I'd like a joint account with a millionaire please.'

"I wish I was less gullible when it comes to money."

Speculation