Operating Room Humor Gifts

The Grim Reaper as a surgical assistant.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

Jelly I.V.

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'What's for desert?'

Big slipper.

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."