Online Identity Philosophers Gifts

'But you can't break up with me! I just bought a domain name with both our names on it.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

City Zoo. They call us "anteaters" --- talk about stereotyping!

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

"Just remember, kid...whether you post on Facebook, Twitter or YouTube...it's all show biz."

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'What does the internet have against my people?'

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

The Thinker (with a laptop).

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

'I think I'll wait for the movie.'

Digito Ergo Sum.