Identity Philosopher Gifts

'Ethnic origin? Put me down as mixed race.'

'You know how You created them male and female? -- Well, guess what.'

"I am very comfortable with my bovinity."

"I hereby name thee 'Tissue Paperman'."

'If human body cells replace themselves every seven years, who am I NOW?'

Autobiographer holds up a mirror to his face.

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Plan to Split California into Six States Proposed....

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

'You have no idea how hard I've gotta work just to maintain my indie cred around here!'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

"You're starting to look like your old self again."

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

Britain sinking and losing it's identity.

'I am afraid, sir, that in the current economic climate, a picture is now only worth 500 words.'

"Don't be fooled - that's Henrietta, cross-dressing again."

"'Dear Mrs. Zeus?!' The name's Hera!"

As Lucanus, a giant bug, awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into Franz Kafka.

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

"We're not too concerned about him not graduating. We've only made it to tenth grade so we're already proud."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

"I'm tired of being the cockroach you want me to be and not the cockroach I want to be."

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'

"Will you be keeping your own name or rebranding?"