National Identity Philosophers Gifts

'I try to lie back and think of England but I'm not sure enough of its cultural identity.'

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

City Zoo. They call us "anteaters" --- talk about stereotyping!

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

'Where's the elephant cemetery? It's a secret, and anyway, you'd be the last person I'd tell!'

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Deconstructionist girlfriend

Cherchez la femme

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

Man guarding a written border.

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

William Shakespeare Civil Court Judge. Well, you can legally change your name, but it won't make any real difference, Rose.

"I am very comfortable with my bovinity."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

"I used to complain about being trapped in a cage, until he got his 250 premium channels."

"We're not too concerned about him not graduating. We've only made it to tenth grade so we're already proud."

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

God is a spider.

Cycles of evolution and destruction

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

'Ever stop to consider we live in a gated community?'

A snake eats evolving animals.

"So much for that publicity stunt."

Back in 10 minutes.

Mr. Hillary Clinton

Freedom

'Early life his its first thought...' 'There must be more to life than this.'

'If human body cells replace themselves every seven years, who am I NOW?'

"What, may I ask, does landscape have to do with gender?"

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'