Online Debater Pillows

"I've got about 20 pages of questionable internet comments here."

Intelligence check has verified your comment. It's polemical, devoid of facts and completely stupid. You can now post it on social media.

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

'This is fun, Dad -- I'm in a flame war with Vladimir Putin!'

Blinkers

"Your profile picture is a person of color? What kind of racist blackface crap is that???!"

"I learned my social skills on social media. . . what's it to you anyway you stupid cow?!"

Internet aggressiveness

"He transitioned easily from belief in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny to nonsense on the internet."

Every man and his dog gets to have an opinion on social media.

"No. the doctor didn't prescribe any medication for my high blood pressure. He just told me to stop trying to win on-line arguments with anti-vaxxers."

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

"I'm warning you one last time! Get outta my face...book!"

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

"Maybe I can't be satisfied by just one endless online argument."

I've decided to change the way I Twitter-slam "Star Wars: The Force Awakens." Pointing out plot holes that aren't really plot holes is the latest trend online. I've been tweeting "It's the same story as the original" even though it's not. That was fun. But that critique is so last month. I still don't think "If Rey's the protagonist, why did Monopoly leave her out of the board game" is a "plot hole." And since when has Luke been old?

You're always chastising Rudy for using the web, yet here you are. How do you explain yourself? Something magical happened. I saw a small child break into tears at this computer and run away. I came to see what happened. That's when I discovered it. The comments section beneath a news article. A wonderland of mockery, bitterness and good old-fashioned blood feuds. Is that Sadie hugging that computer? Let's talk about something else.

The Twitter logo with its mouth taped shut

Maybe Those Bots Can Be Used for Good

"He seems to have drifted from online activism to couch-based complacency."

Dialogue

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

The Proust of Twitter

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"Now that's a win."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

"On the contrary, Bosworth, it's YOU who has lost all perspective."

Oz Debating Society. You can't refute everything I say just by call it a "straw man" argument.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'