Internet Debaters Pillows

"They're powered by Internet outrage."

The hive mind has reaches a consensus about 'Star Wars.' I don't want to hear it. An alpha doesn't care to hear the opinions of anonymous strangers on the internet. People are more likely to post ill-considered nonsense if their real names aren't attached to their words. Juiceman842 tweeted the opposite the other day. Proves my point.

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"If God had meant for man to interact rationally He wouldn't have given them internet forums."

The Proust of Twitter

Changing Minds

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

I can't keep up, Randy. What happened, little buddy? You know how I created a hate-bot to automate my back you up in online arguments business? Don't tell me: The Russian troll farms beat you to it. No. My hate-bot became sentient and created an even snarkier hate-bot. Mankind is officially obsolete. For an extra $1, the HB-1000 will throw in racism and misogyny.

'The opinions expressed by Burt are not necessarily those of Ernie.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis."

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

"I learned my social skills on social media. . . what's it to you anyway you stupid cow?!"

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

Unsocial Networking.

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks

The First Asshole

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

"Hmm... I wonder what I can find to trigger my self-righteous indignation today..?"

Maybe Those Bots Can Be Used for Good

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout. They're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions, those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

Every man and his dog gets to have an opinion on social media.