Online Behavior Analyst Gifts

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

Online vs. Offline Behaviour

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

You're broadcasting messages of your moment-to-moment experiences?! It's called tweeting. All my followers get updated on what I'm doing. Why? How @#$% narcissistic. Who cares if you're getting hit with a handbag? What? Rudy's getting hit with a handbag. Snooze. Litterbox.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Hoodie Hang-out

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'Look! Man has been here!' 'Yeah, it must have been a man because the seat was left up.'

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

Pavlov's Dog, Ph.D.

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

"People are crazy."

Don't jump! Just think what it will do to your wife and kids not to mention your career as a motivational speaker!

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Jane Goodall patiently gains the trust of her subjects in an unpublicized research project.

"Dr. Jeckyl and... Mr. Internet"

"We assumed they were raised by wolves, but I'm beginning to believe they were raised by stray dogs."k Upload

There's just no excuse for your behavior, Al. I thought it was your job to find one, doctor.

Respect Zone: 'We respect yobs.'

'Going into business sale' at a jeweler's.

Illustration for 'Eleanor's Victory' by Miss Braddon, scene 2.

'I want to speak with you about your work habits.' 'You mean work is habit forming?'

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

Sigmund Freud

"And do you, Robert, mind if I smoke?"