Olympic Official Gifts

"Hmmm..."

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

Egyptian Football

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

Pole Vault Rules

The Unsportables: Javelin Throw

'I finished last, but I was the only one who passed the drug test.'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Now what?!'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'Are you blind ref?'

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'I should never have married a bloody referee.'

'The children are leaving the nest, honey! They're not diving in the Olympics...That was at leas a 6.5 by the way.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

Referees at the Original Olympics.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Tennis corruption

'...60, 80 - whoa! - a hundred bucks! Okaaaay, you've got 20 minutes.'

Footballer playing for time

'He lost his whistle,'

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

'That was a peach of a right hander the referee gave you!'