Older Sibling Gifts

The walking frame for the mobile immobile.

It's The Highway For People Who Hate To Drive

"Act your birth order!"

Two seconds after the moment you reach adulthood.

"Donald is such a fatalist - he's convinced he's going to grow old and die."

"No, I'm not here for your little sister."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Did you ever wonder where your phone is while you're looking at it?"

Old Geezers Erupting Every Hour on the Hour.

Birthday Cards.

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

'All of my money is in a high interest account - everyone's highly interested in it.'

'I'll get you started on facebook even if you're under aged, But be careful, there's a lot of dishonesty in social media,'

"I'm going to e-mail you this op-ed about how your generation is ruining everything."

"When it comes to retirement, it looks like 90 is the new 70."

'You're really going to be in a band?'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"There's no one to blame but myself. I wish I had a little brother."

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'Take it from me - after all, I'm in the second grade - learning is a slow, slow process.'

'Mischief? Mayhem? General shenanigans? It's never too early to consider one's legacy.'

If fifty is the new seventy, when is the new dead?

60s vs. Over-60s camper van

'...makes a change from the zimmer frames!'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

"I think oral sex is when they just talk about it."

'You're just an old person who hasn't blossomed yet...'

'It's like a penalty shoot-out, only when it's my turn the ball morphs into a balloon!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

Road signs of Aging

'He's completely wrapped up in himself.'

'He has my Mom's eyes and my Dad's nose, and yesterday he ate MY crayons!'

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

'Alix, there's nothing in there. It's just a plastic pool...'

Volunteer Bureau: 'I want to help people who are older than myself...'