Older Sibling Pillows

The walking frame for the mobile immobile.

It's The Highway For People Who Hate To Drive

"Act your birth order!"

"No, I'm not here for your little sister."

"Donald is such a fatalist - he's convinced he's going to grow old and die."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Two seconds after the moment you reach adulthood.

"Did you ever wonder where your phone is while you're looking at it?"

"I'm going to e-mail you this op-ed about how your generation is ruining everything."

'All of my money is in a high interest account - everyone's highly interested in it.'

'I've only just learned to read, and I'm already on page twelve of my sister's diary.'

If fifty is the new seventy, when is the new dead?

'Mischief? Mayhem? General shenanigans? It's never too early to consider one's legacy.'

'Take it from me - after all, I'm in the second grade - learning is a slow, slow process.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'...makes a change from the zimmer frames!'

'You're really going to be in a band?'

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

"I think oral sex is when they just talk about it."

"When it comes to retirement, it looks like 90 is the new 70."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"There's no one to blame but myself. I wish I had a little brother."

'You're just an old person who hasn't blossomed yet...'

'It's like a penalty shoot-out, only when it's my turn the ball morphs into a balloon!'

Volunteer Bureau: 'I want to help people who are older than myself...'

'Alix, there's nothing in there. It's just a plastic pool...'

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey - it's part of the aging process.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'He has my Mom's eyes and my Dad's nose, and yesterday he ate MY crayons!'

'He's completely wrapped up in himself.'

"No, 'bedtime' is not the password."

"I must be getting old . . . I crossed over here, but now I can't remember why!"

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

"I don't have my homework because my big brother raised his ghostwriting rates."