Older Neighbor Gifts

"Seniors again. Grabbed an armful of polka CDs and just waltzed right out."

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

Senior Citizen Matinees. . .

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"First time pruning?"

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"We thought we would come somewhere remote to self-isolate."

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

$1: Family Secrets

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"He loves his leaf blower."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

Canape?

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'He has a big heart. . . inviting his homeless friends in to stay dry.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'