Elderly Neighbor Gifts

'I told you. This is NOT a good age to throw a surprise birthday.'

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

Boomers.

'I wish I knew now what I knew then...'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

A senior moment.

OAP box: 'And another thing, the price of Horlicks...'

Acts of kindness and selfishness.

'These are your parking charges.'

'I occasionally go out for a walk, and I buy groceries every two weeks or so. I wonder if I qualify as a recluse.'

'Looks like a power cut - had we better check that the old people next door are alright?'

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"You know you're old when you have to warm up just to take out the garbage."

"Can Wilbur come out and play?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Oh, what a relief I was afraid it was one of those Jehovah's Witnesses."

"60 Fortune 500 companies paid no federal taxes last year. . . meanwhile, thanks to a lack of funding, I no longer get dessert in my meals on wheels."

'Call it your just desserts for being a dirty old man!'

'There's no talking to him when he's like this.'

Worried pensioner attempts to feed vultures in the park

Man pushing elderly lady in a wheelchair.

'...and shut that door behind you!'

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

Screenior citizen

"This is not exactly how I envisioned watching the grass grow in my retirement."

"Friends with social security benefits inquire"

A heat wave threatens an old woman.

"What took you so long?"

"Mr. Swinehart has just crossed Route 36 at Goshen Junction. We are all expected, in exactly eighteen minutes, to greet him as he comes down the driveway."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."