Old-world Romantic Gifts

An Appreciation

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Everybody meets online these days."

'Like many studs of my generation, I have always had a love affair with the harmonica.'

"While he was in Paris, Warren knew Picasso, Miró, Hemingway, Stravinsky, Cocteau, and Fitzgerald. Nothing ever came of it."

(First signs) (A half loaf of bread, ... a jug and a half of wine, and thou beside me.)

'He Will!'

"Oh, he's so romantic."

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

"Why, I think he's trying to impress you."

Old-fashioned computer

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

"So, you're still doing the Western thing."

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

'Oh, the amenity!'

Tom slowly started to realize that romantic gestures of the early 90's didn't work anymore.

Phrenological matrimonial bureau

Nothing sweeter than seeing an old couple holding hams.

"In my day, we had grand pianos randomly fall from the sky!"

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

All those years of marriage and they still get emotional on Valentines Day.

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

A rake jumps from a window onto a horse

Now that our kids are grown and the house is paid off...

"He says, 'What hath god wrought...' What should I write back?"

Daisy Bates and Harry Morant.

when we were younger we were at it like rabbits, now we're more like humans.

"Heavens! I'd better rush home. my phone may be ringing."

"Fine – if they all want to meet online, screw them."

"Redwood or oak?"

Victorian bachelors leering over woman.

"Hon, I feel like riding out into big-sky country."

"Is there an emojis that says 'remember when we used to have a cocktail and conversation before dinner?'"