Old Romantic Gifts

'You deserve more than just some silly card this year...grab yourself a good one.'

"I gotta be me!"

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

"Mr. Right!"

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

Technology and Love

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

Spooning

"While he was in Paris, Warren knew Picasso, Miró, Hemingway, Stravinsky, Cocteau, and Fitzgerald. Nothing ever came of it."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

'Like many studs of my generation, I have always had a love affair with the harmonica.'

(First signs) (A half loaf of bread, ... a jug and a half of wine, and thou beside me.)

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

'He Will!'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'Throw in your iPad and you've got a deal.'

"I'd love to spend more time with you, Jason, but you're not on my fall schedule."

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

"Oh, he's so romantic."

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

"Why, I think he's trying to impress you."

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

An Appreciation

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

'One question, Vicar. Is it bad luck to invite any of the other people we're sleeping with?'

"So, you're still doing the Western thing."

'We don't text anymore.'

Tom slowly started to realize that romantic gestures of the early 90's didn't work anymore.

"I like what you've done with your apartment and your clothes."