Old-school Romantic Gifts

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

(First signs) (A half loaf of bread, ... a jug and a half of wine, and thou beside me.)

I'm not one of those guys who types in your number on his Smart phone and then deletes it. I'm old-school. I write it down on a piece of paper and then throw it away.

I didn

"I'll shoot you an email."

"Oh, he's so romantic."

"I might be a caveman, but I love to give you chocolates on Valentines Day."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Everybody meets online these days."

"Call Harris back from retirement and ask him how we did things around here before computers."

'Like many studs of my generation, I have always had a love affair with the harmonica.'

"While he was in Paris, Warren knew Picasso, Miró, Hemingway, Stravinsky, Cocteau, and Fitzgerald. Nothing ever came of it."

'He Will!'

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

"Why, I think he's trying to impress you."

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

An Appreciation

"So, you're still doing the Western thing."

Tom slowly started to realize that romantic gestures of the early 90's didn't work anymore.

'Oh, the amenity!'

'You reckon we should mosey this guy?'

"In my day, we had grand pianos randomly fall from the sky!"

Nothing sweeter than seeing an old couple holding hams.

'I didn't know people still played footsie.'

All those years of marriage and they still get emotional on Valentines Day.

Now that our kids are grown and the house is paid off...

"He says, 'What hath god wrought...' What should I write back?"

A rake jumps from a window onto a horse

when we were younger we were at it like rabbits, now we're more like humans.

"Heavens! I'd better rush home. my phone may be ringing."

"Hon, I feel like riding out into big-sky country."

"Is there an emojis that says 'remember when we used to have a cocktail and conversation before dinner?'"

"Fine – if they all want to meet online, screw them."