Office Schemer Gifts

"Taking credit for somebody else's work? Why, Ferguson – that's how I started out."

'Remember to be nice to people on your way up. You might need them to do hard time for you later.'

"Pardon me, but why is there no ceiling this office?"

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'You'll soon get the hang of it - then they'll change it.'

Inout baskets.

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

"What are you doing? It's Halloween. Not leaving your deliveries to the last minute this year?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"My rise in the company was solely based on convincing management that I was a nerd in high school."

'Miss Pringle, I run a tight ship! What is this piece of paper doing on my desk?'

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

IN OUT UP DOWN AND ALL AROUND

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

Since we've remodeled, you are no longer here.

'OK, who moved the photocopier?'

'They'll tell you this is an open office workspace, but watch out for the invisible fences.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'Which one of these things is the soap?'

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

Model employee reads 'Best Practice' document ... scruffy slob reads 'Worst Practice', with messy desk and dangerous wires.

"I finally got myself organized and unsubscribed from all those-e-mails."

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

'Beautiful Balloon Company' In Trays 'Up' 'Up' 'Away'

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

Bad Office Planning

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

Home Business - Printer Ink.

'According to your resume, you have unusual organizational techniques.'

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'