Classroom Schemer Gifts

I'm running for student council president, so could you keep quiet about the time that I kissed you last year?

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'Remember, Edward, inside every 'F' student is a 'D' student trying to get out.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"Pardon me, but why is there no ceiling this office?"

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

"If you don't wake up and get to work, I'm going to call your mom."

"Please, Ms. Sweeney, may I ask where you're going with all this?"

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

'Remember to be nice to people on your way up. You might need them to do hard time for you later.'

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."