Office Life Enthusiasts Gifts

Remembers: Elevators can go down as well as up.

'That's Samuelson. He's been with the company since Day One!'

Ask not for whom the photocopier jams, it jams for thee.

"Have you considered not going home at night? Just think of the travel savings.."

"The gap between the rich and poor, … how can we increase it?"

"Remember when we used to use that quaint phrase, 'business as usual'?

"Dammit, when will you research people learn that we're running a business here?"

Crowdsourcing the cubicle.

"Your personality test shows you are selfish, mean, and lazy. We'd like to offer you a position in management."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

In basket-case.

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."