Office Life Aficionado Gifts

'Sir, that salesman who's so persistent is on lines 1, 2 and 3.'

"For your convenience, there's a parking garage just next door."

The Handwriting on the Wall

'Sir, the Christmas party is well prepared. We've got champagne, wine, beer, food and five canister of carpet cleaner.'

An exec sitting at desk looking out his window cleaner.

"Of course it's quite common to sign contracts in BLOOD these days..."

I'm absolutely worn out. I've been unloading pig-iron all day.

"Your're a smart kid, Berenson. How would you like to head our Corporate Dumbing Down Division?"

Do it! Because I say so: 'I'm not sure I like the new company slogan.'

People at work on social networks fail to communicate socially with each other.

"You have a 2 o'clock, a 3:30 and don't forget the monthly finance report is due Friday..."

"Let's be clear on this, my company failed."

"I heard a 'no'. Who the hell voted no?"

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

"Posthumously yours."

"Everybody's getting together after work to do some more work—you in?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

In basket-case.

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'