Office Culture Aficionado Gifts

"Now you're going to be procrastinating with the big boys."

Monday Morning, Wednesday Afternoon, Friday at 6 p.m.

"Quick! Get down to legal! The boilerplate has sprung a leak."

A good leader will share any success with all involved.

'Sure, I've got ghost employees, but they're as productive as my other employees.'

"Sklar, Liebowitz, Rubin and Kaminsky... Attorneys a go-go."

'When you said the firm was going under, we thought you meant figuratively.'

'You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.'

"You would not believe how busy I am."

'Well, what office doesn't have a little mess.'

'No, no briefcase... FLATSCREEN.'

'Retirement became more tolerable when I installed this water cooler.'

Absentee Management: Big On Delegating The Work Around Here, Inc

"All interns go through this. You're lucky, this is nothing compared to the old days."

"Tim, you seem to have spent days without a break, you need some fresh air. Why don't you go and pick some litter in the car park."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Staff support"

"And where have you previously moused?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'The whole floor got together and came up with a few things you could work on.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'Face it, we're never going to reach a consensus.'

Should not have put that suggestion in the suggestion box.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work