Office Equipment Gifts

A quill pen in case the computer crashes.

'It's also a printer, scanner, phone and fax machine.'

'That's a fax machine. The older guys use it to send messages.'

"The shredder ate my homework."

STRIP Hambone: What's the difference between these two?

'Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?'

This is a new talking copier, you've pushed the wrong button, mutton head!

"A P.C. is a P.C....a Copier is a Copier...and never the twain shall meet!"

"Tell the press we'll have more in the merger when someone fixes our printer."

"This is weird. Our new account rep is requesting a chair."

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

The Computer Bore

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

That shows business confidence.

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

"No, kid, we don't call these 'attachment icons.' We call them paperclips."

"Good morning. Fen, Boscage, Bracken & Spinney."

Joust Sharpener

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Lumbar support animal

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

Home Business - Electric Stapler.

"It's too late for Jim. The tchotchkes have him now."

'Dog eat dog.'

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'