Office Culture Warrior Gifts

"Just when the glass ceiling's become the glass floor we have to worry about upskirting."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

21st century water cooler conversations.

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

The best financial decision I ever made.

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'These are job perks.'

"At this office no two days are different."

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

Some days at work can be more challenging than others.

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'