Company Culture Warrior Gifts

"If it weren't for the illusion of security, the health plan, the pay, the friendships. . . I'd leave this stupid company!"

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

Doug had trouble getting home at a decent hour.

"Well, it looks like the merger is off."

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

The Evolution of the Bonus

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

Office slaves.

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

National Boss Monument.

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

Stresses Can Have a Motivating Effect...If They Don't Kill You!

"The boss is charging. I knew you shouldn't have worn that red tie."

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

'Coffee must wear you out. They're always sleepy when they drink it.'

'I'm telling ya, it's a jungle out there.'

"Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

"I'd heard that Farnsworth had a difficult secretary to get past."

"What's on my schedule today, Fred?"

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."

Free speech isn't cheap!

Responsibility and duties

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

"I think your idea of stress relief is drastic!"

"Okay. . . so what's the bad news?"

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'