Offbeat Tourist Gifts

"We've TRIED sun, surf , and sand. Do you have anything in the way of darkness, darkness, despair?"

'They say it's an exact replica of the largest ball of twine Kansas.'

'Sir, the Arctic offseason is 24-hour night, and the temperature below zero!'

"Ahhh... close enough."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"Where’s your sense of Gothic romance?"

Statue is moved to hold up the leaning tower of Pisa.

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"I've got a better view on my smart phone."

"You're getting close. This is the gift shop."

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

The Statue of Liberty holding up an ice-cream.

"Sorry, sir. The baggage must match the passenger."

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

At this exact location on May 23rd 1957, a bunch of people mounted this plaque to commemorate a surplus of funding for the Commemorative Plaque Society.

Touring Holidays - On the P***

"Would you like to buy a commemorative photo of your firing?"

'You would think that our agent could make better travel arrangements for us than this.'

'I envisioned them praying to something entirely different.'

Limbo Day at the Palace

Parisian Misguided Tours.

"But your room does have a sea view, it's 43 miles over there behind the power station."

"At least we're not spending money on gas for travel."

Despite hard evidence to the contrary it was still considered lucky to kiss the Blarney Spike

Woman painting a man drowning.

"I should've known better than to AirBNB from a bird."

"You're the one who wanted to go someplace off the beaten track - you ask him what's gluten free."

'You are now entering Crenton, the city with the most intriguing 'You are now leaving' sign.'

'I want to ship Daddy to all the places he missed visiting, because he was working so hard to accumulate the estate I just inherited.'

"A banker?! But that means you don't even HAVE a soulll. . . Damn it - for once the human wins."