Oddity Aficionado Gifts

"Of course, he's very low maintenance."

Odd Spas

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Who's next?"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

One way only.

"It's my helper trout!"

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

Disco Dancing

Storage Unit of Love

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'You need some stress.'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Bad dog!"

"Well, I finally saw a shrink today."

"Has it occurred to you one of us might be a mirage?"

"Phil, could I speak to you for a moment, not as your doctor but as your horse?"

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"

Man in bumper car sees traffic cop on bumper-car style motorcycle

'With this offer you get high speed internet, satellite TV and a new message tapping log for just $99.95 a month.'

"Have I found Jesus? I didn't know he was missing!!"

"So this bacon in my ear - d'you think it can be cured..?"

Unnatural History Museum

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

Sartre's E-Mail

'Hand over your wallet or I'll sue.'

Do bears take drug tests in the woods?

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."