Ocular Observer Gifts

'Good memory. Now turn around and let's try it again. I've put the chart on the opposite wall since your last visit.'

If you can read this, your vision is 2020.

Oculist.

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

"Why does this curious plant of his always make me feel gigantic?"

Squirrel Tapping On Window Demanding Food.

"Look at that ant farm! I love the ants' little overalls!

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

"I'm more of an 'I like to watch' dog."

Gone to seed.

'What day is trash pickup around here?'

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

No, I don't think they throw those up here for us.

'He's so fast he has to stop to clean the insects off his glasses.'

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

Go Back to New York

The Manipulation of Justice

Cat and Squirrel on Screen Door.

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

Impractical Gardener.

God's Fly Swat...

"Oh, man. Ha ha! The look on your face when that squirrel turned around and started chasing you!"

Space junk.

First Contact

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

'Maybe it's one of those super-stations.'

"Well, of course you feel like you are - We ARE all just going around in circles!"