Online Observer Gifts

'You've heard of a couch potato? Well he's a mouse potato.'

'I'm also informed the deceased had over three thousand friends on Facebook.'

"Good lord! Four of my dearest Facebook friends died last week!"

If a tweet is sent out and no one signs up to read it, does it exist? Happens millions of times a day.

'Let's stay in, have a quiet dinner, and creep our kids facebook pages.'

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

Never judge a man until you have seen all the pictures on his facebook wall.

"It's 6 o'clock. Do you know what's trending now?"

"Your twitter account is phenomenal. Each tweet is limited to 140 characters, but it seems much longer."

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

"No need to sit down. I've already diagnosed you based on your social media posts."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

'Chicken Farms - Pecking Order'

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"Are we there yet?"

Fear of news.

Olly really didn't know his arse from his elbow.

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

"You may enjoy swimming with the dolphins, Howard, but do they enjoy swimming with you?"

'You've got to help my son, Doctor — he's joined a cult that crawls up on beaches!'

Big Brother watching you watch Big Brother

"Dad! I can't believe we come to the beach and you set up all the way out here! I can barely see the ocean...we're so far from the wa..."

"How do you feel about working a four-day week?"

'Your secondhand smoke is giving the hermit crab a hacking cough!'

"What we need in this organisation is more personal contact."

Domestic Spying Drones

'Well for crying out loud, why didn't you do that when I asked you?!!'

'How dare they make these kind of suggestions?!'